The Look of Love
(submitted by Milt Simon after reading…. Smile for the Camera)
What is the ‘look of love’? How do we recognize it? How does it feel to give it? How does it feel to receive it?
The look of love is the facial expression reflecting the soul of a satisfied person. It is not a look that asks “what do you think of me, do you approve?” rather it is a look that says “I am whole, sound and complete, how can I serve you?”
The ‘hunger’ that we often feel for SOMETHING; the gnawing feeling of ‘incompleteness’ and the undercurrent of emotional stress felt where we are ‘alone’ can show up in our smile. Is this our look of love?
Alba Emoting Students practicing in the Mirror
When I believe that I am not getting what I need or deserve from you, it leads to a sense of resentment. I have a sense that I deserve something I am not getting. I either blame you or blame myself and feel that I have failed. If I were not lacking I could get the approval, attention, love or companionship you are holding back (that WOULD complete me).
So, HOW DO I GET YOU TO LOVE ME? I smile at you! If I really feel like I have to ‘buy’ or ‘perform’ for your love the smile on my face belies my true feelings. My own smile reflects my MIXED FEELINGS. If I were able to really see my smile in the mirror it might explain this mystery to me.
When I smile I want to ATTRACT you. What if when I smile I am showing Anger, Fear, Resentment or other emotions mixed into my attractive smile? Is this my intent? Can I see how a smile is not always a smile, and doesn’t always truly attract like a smile?
Now what do I do? If my smile really expresses some anxiety, I want to hide. How do I proceed?
Alba Emoting Students Practicing Tenderness
I would like my smile to really be a reflection of love, an invitation to conversation and expression of trust. If my smile shows anxiety, fear or distrust, how do I come to more embody and express true integrity and wholeness?
From an Ontological perspective, one must develop an ability to manage anxiety, achieve a sense of satisfaction and purpose, and develop practices of confidence and inner-calm. When my inner world is centered on my own strengths and purpose, then YOU become someone I can serve, be curious about, interact with or just ignore if I choose to.
Does my smile invite closeness? Do I engender trust? Do I have the ability to coordinate positive and constructive actions with others? What is the tension level in my home, workplace or relationships with friends and strangers? When ‘life happens’ and I MEET the various events in my life, with WHAT ATTITUDE or FACE do I meet them? How are my explanations to myself reflected in my reactions, emotions moods and FACE? Do I become self-blaming? Do I down-shift into moodiness, sadness, or the old tapes of inadequacy, helplessness or blame?
The Self-Judgment process is reflexive. How I judge myself will directly relate to how I judge others. When I learn to ‘interrupt’ self-judgment, I create new possibilities and expanded choice in relationships, coordination of actions, and emotional intimacy.
MY Look of Love is the one I see in the mirror. Can I see my own fear or anxiety? Am I really as open and accepting as I think I am? Does my face and smile INVITE trust, intimacy or non-defensive conversation? When I learn that I can create practices of self-acceptance, calming and centering that will allow me to recognize when anxiety is knocking at the door I begin to allow more intimacy and self-acceptance. I can breathe, walk, meditate, or do actions that take the focus off of my survival and my self-consuming feelings.
Milt Simon
If I cannot be friendly to myself, there will be no friendship with life. “The dream goes according to its interpretation” and my life goes with the interpretations I give it. It’s time to see the look of love in the mirror!
~ Milt Simon is an Ontological Coach living in Los Angeles, CA. He has studied Alba Emoting and applies Alba Emoting theory as a somatic method for emotional awareness along with many other Ontological Coaching tools in his practice. If you would like to contact him to learn more about his work he can be reached at msimon317@aol.com Laura and Milt are working together to create a special workshop in Los Angeles, CA on March 10th, 2010. See the information in the ad below.
